So true

:-)

Snow!

We don't get very much snow here so when it happens it is exciting.  Today it didn't snow here in the valley but up in the hills.  Our friends from Argentina wanted to take their daughter who had never seen snow so we went for an adventure.  Here are some of the photos I took with John's Iphone.

Do as I'm Doing

I noticed that it was time for the younger children to go to bed last night.  I started to walk towards the lounge and I heard me!  I heard the exact words I say when I send the little ones to bed.  And because the younger three don't give much respect to their older sisters I also heard what I say when they are being disobedient.  It was my daughter sending her siblings to bed.  It was not just the words she used but also her voice sounded like mine and her tone.  Recently I saw a quote that said:

What the daughter does, the mother did. Well I hope that will not be the case in all areas as I would hate my girls to make some of the stupid mistakes I made. But I do see my girls copy me which can be both terrifying and complimentary.  Here are five things I hope my girls do better than me.  Without explanation. 1.  Manage their money 2.  Manage their relationships.  With boys and family. 3.  Recognise their self worth. 4.  Education, education, education. 5.  Tidy as they go.  Their rooms and their lives.

Making Goals

A while ago I found mine and John's wish board.  Probably about 8 years ago someone had advised us to cut out of magazines photographs that would symbolise our goals.  We did it as a bit of fun.  Mainly because that week John's Mum had given us a pile of her old magazines.  I think in total we pinned about 20 pictures on our wish board.  For example there was a photo of a student on their graduation day throwing their cap in the air.  One of John's and my goals at the time was to further our education and graduate.  It was really interesting looking at the board as we had achieved about half of them.  The board was placed in the corner of our bedroom for years and as with all familiar things not really noticed.  When we moved to Spain it was moved to the loft and totally forgotten about.  I realise now, that even subconsciously we were aware of that board and I believe it did help us reach some important land marks in our life.   Anyone have any old magazines?

The Driving Test

My oldest son takes his driving test tomorrow.  Yes my son is taking his driving test, not me, so why am I so nervous for him?  I passed my driving test first time, thankfully, not sure I would have coped with the nerves of taking it again.  The only thing I objected to about my husband now applying for jobs all over the world is the thought of having to retake a driving test somewhere.  It is not the driving, I believe I am a good driver.  It is the pressure and stress of it all.  Tests, I hate them.  I loved that my photography degree was exam free.  Essays I can write no problem when I am given time, but put me in a room with a bunch of other people sat at small desks and everything goes pair shaped.  I left high school with the grand total of two 'o' levels (yes I am that old) and then went back to college to get GCSE's.  My exam days are over.  But good luck son!

Sticks and Stones

One of my children began to sing a naughty (not really) rhyme today in the car that I recognised from my own childhood.  I heard one of my boys say "You stole that from me!"  The other boy responded, "No, Tom Davis made it up."  I wondered if I thought it was new when I was seven in 1977?  Of course my children could not believe it when I knew the rhyme, and I added that I heard it when I was at school.  Not only is it difficult for them to believe I was ever seven, but even more hard to understand is that I was ever naughty enough to recite a cheeky verse.  OK, they probably do believe the last one.
We were sat around as a family the other day discussing the differences in behaviour in schools from the 1970's and 80's to the 00's.  I think this discussion stemmed from one of my older boy's law class where they discussed corporal punishment.  Our kids could not believe that teachers where ever aloud to hit children.  John gave an amusing account of having been given the slipper.  The children sat with mouths open.  Points raised by the children about changes today were: 1. Drugs.  John and I didn't encounter drugs until college days.  When I say encounter, know about, not experiment with;  2. Gay issues.  Again, something not encountered until college for both John and I; 3. Teen pregnancy.  I am sure statistics would probably say differently, but I am not sure much has changed there;  4.  Alcohol abuse.  Not much change.  5.  Smoking in school.  I actually wondered if that had become better.  There seems to be less teen smokers around than I experienced in school; and 5.  Bullying.  Eternal problem.  So, other than a couple of things, I guess I have realised that things are not as bad as people sometimes make out.  Are our children having to cope with more than we had to?  Well, they don't get the slipper for being late for school.  Some things have changed.  They are still sharing the same jokes and cheeky rhymes John and I used to hear.  Some things stay the same.

Lampeter

Today John and I spent the day in Lampeter, a sacred place for me.  John and I had not long been married and I could tell he was unhappy with his work.  I asked him what he wished he could do for a job.  His reply: A literature university lecturer.  I encouraged him to apply for a place at Lampeter University, and he was accepted right away.  I will never forget that day as I played with the kids in a park across the road from the campus, waiting for news.  We all celebrated together.  We knew we would be broke.  We knew there was no guarantee this would lead him to his dream.  But we knew we had to try.  Since that day I have spent many days in this wonderful university town.  Once children were all safely off to school, I would escape with John and write essays for my degree, or work on my book in the library while he worked on his PhD.  We spent our lunchtimes in the local health food shop enjoying their amazing soups, and sometimes in the best fish and chip shop in Wales right next door.  We have spent hours in the coffee shop Conti's, sipping hot chocolate on a cold afternoon and discussing our findings of the day, perusing the many charity shops for bargains.  A solid and wonderful part of my love for John comes from that town.  Love of his bravery at re-entering education.  Love of the stolen time away from the children together, like young students.  Love of a beautiful little university town hidden away in the country where  you can lose yourself in your dreams.

This song will always remind me of 2011

Back to blogging

It has been so long since I last blogged that I forgot I had one!  I have sat here and read some of my old blog posts and apart from my inability to express myself eloquently it has been great to reacquaint myself with events, thoughts and feelings I had shared.  I don't keep a diary or journal so this is my only attempt of writing anything down.
It would be impossible to write down everything that has happened over the last year so here is a summary in ten points.
1.  Moved back to Wales from Spain.

2.  All 13 of us moved in with husband John's heroic parents!  For 6 months!  (I think they are still in therapy.)

3.  People renting our house moved out.  We moved back in.  Phew.  Hurray!

4.  John and I drive all the way back to Spain to get our stuff.  Amazing adventure, sleeping in truck stops and visiting some much loved and greatly missed friends.

5.  John finished PhD and I finish my book.  I know!

6.  Our 18 yr old son moves out to live with John's brother in Birmingham to get a job and prepare for his lds mission.  I cried and cried.

7.  Friends from Spain move in with us, two families.  One returned to Spain and the other moved next door and look like they are here to stay.

8.  Kids all settled back into British education although living in Spain put them back a year.  They did gain a language though so I have to look at the positive.

9.  John and I had some amazing adventures in Hereford, Spain, Belgium, France, Dylan Thomas's boat house, Manchester, Lampeter and a Kate Rusby concert in Aberystwyth.

10.  Spent an amazing Christmas in Belgium with our friends The Box Family.  What a perfect way to end our year.

My walk home in the rain from Spanish Class

The man holding his notebook over his pregnant wife's head.
The reflections on the wet ground that inspired my creative photographic mind.
The second look from the skinny, tall man, who moved into the road to let me by.
The giggling plaid attired school children in red tights running to their car.
The elderly couple squeezing in closer under one umbrella, with a youthful smile in their eyes.
The music in my ears.
For the woman wearing that wonderful smelling perfume.
Fresh bread.
The feel of the soft rain on my hands and face.
The orange glow that fell from every direction.
The bearded man who looked like my husband when we first met.

All these things made me smile.

Change

Just the word change is too much for me right now.  I am all changed out.  I have loved this adventure of moving to Spain.  New home, new ward at church, new language, new friends, new culture, new weather (although it does feel like British weather right now with all the cold raininess).  The list is endless.  They even drive on the other side of the road here.  I have to remember every time I cross the road so I don't get hit by a bus.

We have recently experienced Three Kings Day here.  The children here have their gifts delivered to them by the three wise men while they sleep and they open them on the 6th January.  The night before they have a big parade (which happened to be down our street, right outside our front door, very useful).  The kids all bring a bag and people in the parade throw sweets and toys to them.  There is a fun, festive atmosphere and my kids loved it.  Although they loved it, and enjoyed the parade we did not embrace this tradition.  We still had our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as we would have back in Wales.  The three wise men did not visit our home with gifts on the the 6th.  I think some changes need to be done slowly, or not embraced at all.

I finally finished reading The Life of Pi by Yann Martel and the character Pi discusses change as his family plan to emigrate to Canada.  He asks the question why would we do this?  Force ourselves into the discomfort of change?  Because we believe it will take us to a better life.  We will benefit from it.

So we sat in family home evening and I asked each of the children to say one benefit of moving to Spain.  It was not easy for all of them as some of the kids are finding this move very difficult.  But in the end each one came up with something.  The benefits already have been huge and we have only been here a few months.  So although our family have invited enough change that would take a lifetime to get used to.  We are enjoying some of the benefits now.  Sigh.

Not over the moon

Everywhere I look right now here in Spain there are advertisements for the New Moon film from the Twilight series.  I have not seen the film, a good friend took my girls to see it.  I have nothing much against it except like anything too sickly sweet I couldn't face it, I have overdone it.  I read all the books.  I don't like my kids reading books without me at least knowing what it is about.  I have read all the Spiderwick and the Harry Potter series.

My father was in a Coma for eleven days and so I borrowed my girls books and read them one after another.  I am not a fast reader.  I have to read every word - a bit obsessive compulsive.  I never grasped the talent to skim-read.  But I read these books fast.  I read them through the night and got frustrated that I could not get hold of the last book and begged my niece to lend me hers, thanks Elizabeth.  To me these books are like chocolate; sweet, addictive and not necessarily good for you, but in moderation not bad for you either.

I think there is a place in literature for chocolate.  My daughter Devon loves the Twilight books but she also reads Pride and Prejudice, Emma, books I would put in the category of main course.  Essential nutrients to help us grow.  But I like chocolate now and again and don't see any huge harm in it.  I would perhaps ask the question, why are the Twilight books addictive?  What is the chocolate?  Stephenie Meyer writes addiction very well for teenage women and women in general.  I admire her for it, she has found something that sells and sold it and made a lot of money in the process, how nice it would be to be financially safe!  I think she writes infatuation.  She writes about fantasy.  The fantasy women have about love.  Here is a cold, beautiful, vampire, a statue-like man, Edward. . . and she adores him?  I read it thinking, no way would I want to cuddle up to a block of ice.  But he is strong and protects her - our handsome hero women long for.  Perhaps because the boys and men in our life disappoint, so we need to have a fantasy character to lust after.  It balances out the reality.


Perhaps you might think lust is too strong a word?  I am not sure.  Have you seen the way most teenage girls behave when you just name Jacob Black after seeing New Moon?  Reminds me of the way some of my parents generation behaved around The Beatles.  I was just going to say that I have never behaved that way, but a group of Capoeira martial artists did a display on television the other day, and. . . well John is still teasing me about it.  So I am guilty of a little feminine ga-ga-ness.  My last blog post addressed the subject of image, how we should not look on outward beauty to see a person's worth.  I am sure the Capoeira men have sweet spirits.

Does anyone remember the Pride and Prejudice film where Colin Firth walks out of the pool after diving in for a swim?  Hmmm?  Mr Darcy!


OK not as impressive as I remember it, but when I first saw it, I melted!  So is this the chocolate?  Is this OK?  Women have always swooned!  In  medieval times it was seen as a masculine trait, then there was a transition and it became a feminine weakness, the word hysteria (which comes from the word womb) described our silliness.  Men's hysteria was healthily expressed through art, poetry, song.  Women were just seen as silly.  Is it silly?  We feel it's safe to have fantasies in characters such as actors, actresses (such as Jude Law, N :-) ).  So to swoon or not to swoon?  That is the question.  Is it healthy fun?  Just shout the name Jacob Black in a high school and see how many girls scream and swoon!! Healthy?

Does my bum look big in this blog?

 My daughter marched into the kitchen and announced that she was officially fat!  She does not have an inch of fat on her.  Of course I have more concern about this behavior because I was bulimic as a teen.  I know how deluded you can be in your youth.

Image is so important here in Spain.  The women are immaculate.  While I look half dead, hair sticking up and wearing sweats at 7am when I go out to get the bread and walk Sid my dog, I see women heading out to work looking perfect, child under arm also looking immaculate rushing off to day care.  There is no confusion, I don't wonder "is that a man or a woman" as I approach people here, the distinction is clear.  The women wear designer skirt and trouser suits and their hair long.  Short hair on women here seems to be rare.  There is great pride in their femininity which does not in any way make them second class citizens.  There is a strength that is clear in the way they carry themselves and the confident way they hold a conversation.  Ok I am making huge stereotypical generalizations here.  Of course there are exceptions to this image I am describing.  The school my younger children attend has a large gypsy population around it and the women there are similar to the hippies and farmers of Wales where I have come from.  When I reach the school gate there are women in pink slippers and dressing gowns, I actually look like I have dressed up to take my kids to school.

I watch my girls especially and wonder how this all effects them.  We are not a rich family and most of their clothes are given to us or passed down in the family.  I never hear a complaint, but I do see them choose carefully what they like and they all have their own very different style.  I may be reaching 40 next year but I remember clearly being a teenager and the terrible clothes I wore.  I can't believe skinny jeans are back in!  My Mum would not buy me any when I was 16 back in 1986 so I sewed my own. Ha!  They were ridiculous.  Of course they were not at the time because it meant I fitted in, I thought I was being modern and different, just as my girls do.  John refuses to buy our girls skinny jeans.
I was looking at some photos of an on line friend with her now husband in the 80's yesterday laughing at the familiar 80's clothes and hair styles, how we cared how we looked.

We are taught on the one hand that beauty is within yet we also spend a lot of time on our images.  I have found it interesting that the general young womens president in our church, Sister Elaine S. Dalton, is teaching our young women that beauty comes from within and she looks Barbie doll like, with her perfect unnatural blond hair and extra white, white perfect teeth.  I think she is an amazing young women's president, so down to earth and fantastic for our young women.  But for me a mother of teen girls I listen to her talks and wonder what our young women hear?  She jokes about how she knows what boys are looking for as she has been told by her own sons.  She says they are looking for inner beauty and virtue.  I don't doubt this.  But if I lined up a group of young women who were all amazingly inner drop dead beautiful (I know that is not grammatically correct lol) the choice would also be made from outer beauty too - I have teenage boys too.  I am just talking about image here and what our young women see.   When I was a young woman it was much more important what I saw than what I heard.  I believe we should do the best with what we have of course, and I am not being critical about Sister Dalton, she is fantastic and it is not her fault she is beautiful.  I am just observing the facts and that is when you are a spotty, greasy teenager who has challenges with her own weight, shape etc. as most young women do.  Surely seeing a general president who looks like Sister Dalton would make you want to diet, dye your hair and whiten your teeth.  I have no answers here.  Perhaps there is nothing wrong with that.  I know if I had more money and time I would do the same.


I know that now at almost 40 I am happier with my self.  I don't spend much time on myself.  I have 11 children!  But I know if I had felt about myself at 17 as I do now I would have had a completely different life, completely.  I wish I could inject some of that into my girls.  A knowledge that they are incredibly beautiful and any man in the future would be so very lucky to be with them.  But I also know that my Mum used to tell me I was beautiful, she still does, and as a teen it meant nothing - of course she feels that way she is my Mum. So sometimes I look in my girls eyes as I tell them how fantastic they look and I see myself.  Yea thanks Mum - whatever!  The only answer I have is there has to be a balance between the two.  Our bodies are temples and should be cared for and not abused, we should present ourselves the best that we can.  But we should also have in perspective that it is just our body and if we are not nice people it means nothing.  I honestly think that the reason I feel better about myself is that I am more secure, more secure about my talents and abilities, this I think makes me more attractive.  Sister Dalton presents herself as a confident, virtuous, humble person, which of course is attractive and who shines with love for the young women she leads.  I am grateful for this and know she is called by revelation to do the wonderful job that she does.   I just worry that image becomes so important that the really important things in life get lost.

No hablo Español

 No hablo Español

OK we have lived in Spain for two whole months now, it is time I blogged.  The photos above show us in our beaten up old mini bus traveling as a family to Spain and a few photos I have taken since we have been here.

Well if our plan was to shake up our life a bit, it worked.  The drama, problems, and fun we have had since leaving Wales two months ago would take me months to write.  So here is a brief summing up/report –

1.    We left Wales!  We stayed with John’s brother Dave in Birmingham for a couple of days and then drove to Oxford for John’s academic paper.  We then left Oxford for the tunnel, next stop France, we had every intention of stopping at hotels on the way and taking the weekend to drive to Seville.  But John and I just kept on driving.  Except for a few toilet and food stops we did not stop - as one slept the other drove.  We finally arrived at our home at 2am Sunday morning after leaving the tunnel into France, late Friday night.  Our now dear friends from church helped us unload our van into our new home – we slept.
2.    Paperwork!  Oh how they love paperwork here in Spain and we are not even half way through.  We spent the first week filling in forms going from one office to another.  What took us a week would have taken us months and months doing it all alone, but our friend Jordi had prepared everything in advance of us coming and drove us around and translated everything we needed to know.  After a week we had all the kids in school and had most of the official paperwork we needed to live here.
3.    Injuries!  Our children have become so unbelievably accident-prone.  Jared fell from monkey bars and could not stand up for half an hour; we thought he had broken something.  Jared has also fallen head-first off a park bench winding himself, fallen while his brothers chased him and his little finger swelled up and is still purple and bruised . . . well to count all his bruises would take days.  Similar stories for all the children.  Caitlin was rugby-tackled by Cam and ended up at a local clinic in terrible pain, she then had a whole week off school while her leg healed.  The list is too long.  Watchers of Michael Moore's SiCKO will be glad to know that health care is free here too.
4.    Emotional drama!  Of course we knew that this was going to be difficult.  But we didn't know that it would be this difficult.  The children are all starting over.  They do not know the language here.  They had no friends.  I do appreciate the fact that we are a big family, which of course has its benefits, no one is lonely.  But there have been a lot of tears and drama, which has left me drained.  I don’t want to highlight any particular drama as it may upset some of the children, but for John and I this has been the most pushed-to-the-limit we have been as parents.  Yet I sit here with everything calm and well.  The children happily went off to school; they have all quickly made friends and are slowly learning the language.  We knew that their education would suffer a little but decided as a family that learning a new language was more beneficial and they can catch up on the subjects.  I do still worry about their education though honestly.
5.    Everything keeps breaking!  Our van wheel fell off as we were driving a few days after we had just had it fixed by a local garage!  Our washing machine has broken twice and there does not seem to be any launderettes here in Spain – wth?  Our car got broken into and is still missing the window as we still have not had it fixed.  I accidentally smashed the kitchen window moving a chair, we still have not had that fixed so there is a lovely cool breeze blowing through the house night and day.  We are on much less money than we were in the UK so affording to fix anything is interesting.  Owen sat on Cameron’s laptop breaking it, which we did replace immediately to protect Cameron’s mental health.
6.    Nothing is going in!  I have been learning Spanish since we have been here and I still look blankly at anyone who talks to me.  I pick out a couple of words I understand, like 'tambien' or 'algo', etc. But it just seems to be the little words I remember, I have no meat yet, I just seem to have a few side dishes.  John and I have both been given callings in our Spanish speaking church, John is second councilor on the bishopric and I am first councilor on the relief society presidency.  John was promised in his setting apart blessing that we would be blessed with learning the language here – so here’s hoping!

That all sounds very negative.  There are so many wonderfully good things.  We have no regrets and know that we were supposed to be here.  We have visited some amazing places, we have enjoyed beautiful weather, we have had the honor of meeting some amazing people.  There is no doubt in my mind that forcing yourself out of monotony changes your life.  It is a humbling experience learning a new language and finding your way around a new country.  I still do not drive very much here as the one-way roads and confusing road systems still scare me a little.  But I feel that I have given my children a gift coming here, the gift of experience, a new language, new friends, an important new aspect to life with tolerance and acceptance of other people’s differences.  I hope they will look back in a few years and see it that way.  I hope they do not look back and hate us for forcing these new changes on them and shaking them up a bit.  One thing I do know, they will never forget these experiences, their days will not be a blur of doing the same thing day in, day out.  Their memories will be clear and lasting because of the break from the norm.  Clear and hopefully wonderful!

16

I look back at when I was 16.  Scary.  I left high school with few qualifications and went to Geneva to be an au pair.  I bolted!  The first thing I did when I got off the plane was go and have my ears pierced.  My father had been strongly against us making holes in our body.  I looked around for better authoritarian figures.  So I should not be heart broken when my 16 yr old does the same.  Should I?
Yesterday my oldest son looked me in the eye and told me he did not need me any more.  He could look after himself.  He had decided he did not want to move.  He was going to stay and live with his Grandparents.  He was angry.  He even said "don't punish us because of your insecurities!  Just because you think everyone hates you!"  WHAT THE HECK!!!  I pointed out that trying to throw my weaknesses at me did not give his argument strength.  There was a lot said and we came to an agreement about giving it until Christmas.  Not my idea.  I was exhausted, hurt and thrown because here was a boy that had never challenged me in any way.  He never complained, he never asked for anything.  Oh no!  I suddenly saw his whole life.  I have moved him 10 times in 16 years.  I have left him on his first days of school in new schools crying.  I have wept all the way home.  His birth father left him when he was 8.  He had supported me through the divorce and disappearing act of his Dad.  Embraced his new Dad and made the best of everything.  Here was a 6ft hero in front of me.  16.  Thinking he is so grown up and ready to take on the world by himself.

I am a Mum.  What do I do?  Cry.  I realized that Mums are like big huge pieces of play-dough.  Their kids come and take a handful, looking for the right colour that they need.  We smile and try to smooth over the hole, hoping no one will notice.  It is completely impossible to put into words how much I love this boy.  I realize I will never be ready for him to go.  It is inevitable, that is what I have been training him for.  I have had 16 years of adoring from him, the fact that he thinks he can make it alone now means I have done a good job right?
Anyway.  16.  An age where you see your parents' faults (although I do not think everyone hates me, I don't think anyone hates me), an age where you want to be treated like an adult, an age where you want to make some choices that are not your parents' to prove your adultness.  I remember it.  My boy seems to be doing a much better job of it than I did.  And, no, I would never want to go back and do it again!

Happy 39th birthday, Louise.

Louise, you have shown me the greatest example of sacrifice that a person can give.  I am a mother of 5 and always have on lookers see me and ask, "How do you do it".  Well it's nice for me to look at someone else and say,"How do you do it".  Well, I've seen you in action.  I've seen you sacrifice with your children, family, everyone and seen how your life is so successful and how you are truly a great mother to follow.  A mother who manages (and this is the key) to look after, care for - spiritually and temporally, respect, treat well, do all that is needed for her family.

You have the balance of giving yourself time but never at the expense of others.  I'm glad you're my friend.  You are someone that I'd like to be a more like.  You have definitely shown me how to be a great mother.  I love you. God has blessed me to know you in my life. xxx

-Julie J. 


I barely know you at all and yet I think you are one of the most wonderful people that I know! How that is possible?  Must be because your sweetness is able to navigate this digital medium. I can't wait to get to know you better and hopefully meet soon. You (and your family -- yes... all of them!) have a(nother) place to stay in Canada anytime. :-)


-Julie D.


Happy birthday Louise. I only got to live in Southport for a year before coming to the states but i loved having early morning seminary at your house and all the fun things we did. You are an inspiration of motherhood to me. I finished college in England but never had time to get my degree here in between having kids and raising a husband :) So you have shown me that its possible to juggle it all--church,lots of kids and school! You are awesome.

-Wendy J.


Louise, my crazy little sister . Always a law unto yourself, you have always seemed to make good after getting into bad situations. You never cease to surprise. 39 years old and still alive for one thing! But seriously though, getting a first in your degree while raising 11 kids is nothing short of a miracle! Happy birthday Lou and I hope you have a great adventure in Spain. xxx


-Scott

They say still waters run deep. Well, Lou, you are deep as an artesian spring but about as still as a mountain torrent. When we first met 20 years ago, me a missionary serving in Southport and you a ward missionary, your offbeat sense of humor, unique style, and fab taste in music made you somewhat of an iconic figure to a young, naive farmboy so far from home. You were both cosmopolitan and earthy. Sophisticated and simple. Irreverent but full of faith. A paradox by all means, a friend for all seasons. As young people we go through many changes, make many decisions, travel many paths and sail uncharted waters and you taught me how that frightening journey could be made facing into the wind and shouting with defiance and glee at the elements that opposed you, while keeping an eye on the heavens with a sure knowledge that somehow, all would be right. I hope you are passing that same spirit on to your progeny and I will always be proud to know that I have a great friend in you.

-Eric O.

I admire you Louise, of course, for your photography skills! But as well, you're open about your feelings and you're clearly a good mom. You're obviously persistent - getting through ANY degree with kids-- 1 or 11-- is tough. You have mad love for John & your friends. I admire you getting through your past relationships to be the person you are now and I love your "no chocolate till christmas or bust". Makes me want to be a better dieter.

-Gabrielle V.

Louise, I know that I don't know you well, but I have been extremely impressed with what I have seen. After postponing finishing up my education to raise my 6 children, I find your story extremely inspirational. As my younger children leave toddlerhood, I look to you as an example of how I'd like to model the next stage in my motherhood. I love the posts you write and enjoy seeing your cleverly worded tweets, and look forward to knowing you better in the future. Best of luck in all your new adventures!

-Charlotte L.

Louise, I admire your photography and your writing. I think it's awesome that you're a motorcycle racer. What's especially impressive is that you're able to be a mother to eleven children and earn a college degree. You are an admirably honest, open and welcoming person.

-Rod

I would just like to say that you were very inspirational to me during school. Even then you had time for everyone I wish you well and thank you.

-Lorraine M.

I admire you for finishing a college degree while having 11 children to deal with and having your own studio space and business!


-Emily

Louise, YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!!!!! And I love you just for that alone. You've been my rock, my mentor, my friend, an inspiration and a great joy to know. I hope that, no matter where you are, what you're doing, that you know you are truly loved by me and many, many more. xxxxx
All my love.

-Hazel


I will never forget that evening when I looked after ALL those kids, babies and toddlers many moons ago in the temple accommodation for you. lol! and look at them now all grown up lovely, happy, fun etc = you've definitely must have done something right! - a GREAT Mum :) Happy Birthday, Louise.

xxx

-Karen B.

I am truly amazed that you have time and energy to take care of and enjoy such a large family and you seems to handle it all with an amazing sense of humor. I also appreciate the genuine love you and John seem to share. You appear to have an immense amount of respect and adoration for each other.


-Stephanie H.

I feel privileged to share my love and thoughts.

You are like an incandescent flame shining brightly reflecting your love and incredible energy to those around you. Your amazing creative talents do not diminish your caring for the welfare of others and your intense love for her family. I will always have a great love and admiration for you, Louise.

-Angela G.

You were a councellor of mine when I served as Young Women's President, and I will be forever grateful for the support and help you gave me while I was there. You are a 'just get up and go' kind of lady. You just do things with so much confidence - and do them so well! You are completely reliable - any time I asked to do something, you would always go above and beyond to try and help. I don't know of any other woman who could successfully raise 11 children, do a degree (and get a first), magnify her church callings, run a home and be a to
tally supportive and loving wife. You're Wonder Woman! Love you Lou - thanks for everything, you are a star! All my love. xxx

-Hannah P.

I have wonderful memories of spending time with you and your family in Southport. Remember, we first met when I was 14 years old, visiting England for the first time and on my way to living in a foreign country. You were just so nice to me and made me feel so welcome, and then after we settled in Zimbabwe you wrote to me regularly. I was lucky enough to see you again 2 years later when we were moving back to Canada and again you were so good to me - the perfect hostess!

-Andrea F.W.


Lou, you are a portrait of motherhood and a pleasure to know.


-Giles

You are so kind and great at many things that can't be put into one sentence.


-Jorel

You are a lady of many talents. Your resources are extra- ordinary. I see a lady of strength and integrity. You have always been such a solid friend to me, stoic, patient,
accepting, funny, understanding, compassionate, and always willing to help when called upon. Thank you for being in my life, Louise.
-Sofia

You are a motivated, inspired lady. Wonderful, great inspiration, fun, energetic, creative, positive, compassionate.


-Angela

You are a great mum, fun to be with. You have a daft sense of humour and were a great friend when I needed one.


-Catherine H.

What an incredible woman! You amaze me! I feel tired just thinking about what you achieve each day. To cope with eleven children, cooking, cleaning, washing, studying, and a church calling, and then still have the energy to wrestle your husband to the ground! I'm so glad we've had the opportunity to build friendships and we feel blessed to have had our limited time getting to know you and love you. We wish you a happy birthday and all the very best for your adventures in Spain. We love you and admire you. Lots of love!


-Nic and the Harris Gang

There's a bond that I can't express, but having that connection helps me every day, because I know how much you love me. You are supportive and caring, and I'm grateful for that. It's a comfort knowing that you are always there. I'm really going to miss you! Hugs and kisses!


-Shelley

I remember you were always the entertainer in the family, the fun one. You always loved life and had a lot of friends. You are the most fun in the family.


-Liesl


Since I have got to know you in the last few years, I have been impressed with your zest for life, your get-up-and-go.

You are a wonderful mother and I am constantly amazed with how you just rolls up your sleeves and get on with whatever is put before you. You have given me beautiful nieces and handsome nephews, without whom my life would be empty.

I am so proud of you for achieving your degree (but with the gorgeous photos you take, how could you not?!) and so pleased that you could do that for yourself!
It is so wonderful to see you in such a happy, loving relationship. I am so grateful that you found John - someone to support you, love you, comfort you and be there for you and the children.

I love your infectious laugh!

Love you, Lou xx

-Antonia M.


As you are a wee bit older than me I always thought you were amazingly cool. As a child I remember visiting my Aunt and Uncle and playing dressing up in an old turquoise dress with a net skirt. We always fought over who got to wear it! Now I think you are awesome. You are a great mum, wife and friend. I have no idea how you manage everything but am very impressed that you do.

xxxx

-Alex F. V.


Louise, I think you are an utterly BRILLIANT person! You are a FANTASTIC wife (I can tell because of how happy you are obviously making - my old friend - your lovely John!). You are an AMAZING mother (I know because of how happy and 'loving-life' your zillions of children look in all your photos!). You are EXCEPTIONALLY CREATIVE and TALENTED (I get that from your WONDERFUL photography and, I'm sure, there are many other strings to your bow ...). You have a really FUNNY sense of humour (I can see all the fun oozing off your face
book pages!). You are HONEST and SENSITIVE (I can tell from having read bits 'n' bobs on your blog!). I admire you for all you have achieved, and I hope we get to meet some day. :) Happy Birthday! xx


-Nyree Kilgour

I have deep admiration for you, Lou. You have enough gumption, joi de vivre, and creativity to fill a minibus, studio and large Mill several times over. (No wonder you need to travel abroad for a while.) You are one of the few people I know who will listen to the points of view of others and seriously weigh them up, to consider if and how they might be of value to you. It has been a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you better as a friend over the last few years. You're a star.

-Vince

Lou, you are one of those rare people who genuinely embrace change. Most of us are fearful of it, or at least happy
to stick with the safety and comfort of what we know, but you are never afraid to try something new even if it comes completely out of the blue. This is such a valuable life skill!

You are my friend. I have always hated the phrase 'just friends' because there's no 'just' about it. To be a real friend is a BIG THING! I can be relaxed with you and comfortable talking about nothing much, and yet I wouldn't hesitate to talk to you about pretty much anything in the world. I know you would listen with complete openness and tolerance even if you couldn't relate or didn't agree. You would offer what wisdom and empathy you could, and I could be entirely confident that I had not sunk in your opinion for anything I shared. What a thing to be treasured is that kind of friendship.


You are an outstanding mother, having somehow seemed to capture that elusive mixture of discipline and yet friendship with your children. You give them both security and the knowledge that they are free to experience and learn the world for themselves. I can only hope to achieve so much.

----

(OK, I'm going to stop at that 'cause I'm tearing up already-- it's way too late and I'm tired and over-emotional! I seriously don't know what we are going to do without John and Lou. I'm only just starting to fully realise this. Anyway, great idea for a gift - if there was ever an amazing well-rounded, multi-talented person who completely does not know it, it's Lou.)


-Naomi


[Included this aside. It was precious and so right on the money.]


Lou, I am so glad that you are my sister-in-law. I feel that we have had similar experiences growing up in large, strong families in the church and that means we often have similar opinions and views which is always good when trying to deal with those Burton men. I love the strong emphasis that you put on family time and from your actions it is clear that there is nothing more important in your life. You are raising happy and confident children which is the greatest accomplishment of all. I know this is a lot to read but I think you are one of these Invisible Mums. Happy Birthday, Lou.

-Marie.

You have done a fantastic job in raising the children, who have all turned out to be children who are praised by everyone, and at the same time achieved a 1st class degree with honours. I am full of praise for you. AMAZING.


-Dad Burton

If ever I need someone for help, I know that you will always be there, and I love you for that. I will miss you very much. You are a wonderful daughter-in-law. Happy Birthday.


-Mum Burton

I am incredibly blessed to have a mum like you! :D I know that you always have things to do but you still have time in the day to talk and spend time with us!!!! You are an amazing example to us and you have helped us a lot!! When I'm upset or mad I know I can always turn to you! (Except when I'm angry with you!) :P Thank you for being an amazing mum! Happy Birthday have a great day!! Love you loads. x x x x x x x x


-Caitlyn


Happy birthday mummy!! :D You are such a great example to me!! You have taught me so much and helped me when I felt upset or angry!! You have put up with all the stupid things I have said and and done for so many years, and for that I am incredibly grateful!! I don't know how you do it!! We're all pigs yet you manage to guide us, love us, keep us strong in the church and everything that a mother could do!! And waaaaay more!! I love you so much and I am so glad you are my mother! Even though you tease us a lot about CERTAIN things ;) haha, you are also an amazing woman and I am so glad to have you as an example of what I should do and be. I love you so much that you wouldn't believe it!! Have a good time missus!! :D xxxxxxxxxxxx


-Devon


You're a great mum! I love you! Hope you have agreat birthday! Thank you for everything you put up with! (us!!) You're a great person to be around! Always smiling. Thank you for always being there for me!! Love you loads. x x xx x x

-Cerys


I love you mummy! Thank you for the yummy treats!! Happy birthday! xxxx :D


-Imogen


Mum, I think you're the BEST!! I couldn't ask for a more hardworking mum! I will love you for EVA! I love all your hugs 'n' kisses and I'm not embarrassed to be around you! :P I LOVE YOU MY AMAZING, WONDERFUL, FABULOUS MUMMY!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


-Ceiledh


Mum you're an amazing photographer as well as a mum!! I could write loads but you already know how much you mean to me! xx

-Cameron

Mum you're great!! Thank you sooo much for everything! xx xx

-Harry

Your hair is nice! You're a very, very nice mum. A great cook and I love you loads. xxxx

-William

I love that you always give me hugs and kisses before bed and that you always help me read and write. I think you're an amazing cook! I love you mummy. xxxxxxx


-Caleb


I love Mum and I love her stuff. Thank you, Mum, for helping me read and write. You are an amazing helper.


-Jared

Mum, you're very creative and always seems to know what to do. You're a great cook, have good taste in music, and you're a great mum.


-Owen


Mummy Louise, first off I want to tell you how amazing you are! And how much I actually love you! :) (Which Is A HUGE Amount!!!:)) Thank you for taking me under your wing and taking care of me, and loving me like your own daughter. You are such an amazing example to me, and have taught me a lot that I will take with me through life and never forget! :) One of your many talents, is that you listen and you totally understand, and you give the BEST advice ever. You always made time to listen to me, no matter what you were doing or where you were, and when we had finished chatting, i would feel 100% better! I am deeply greatful for that! :) I just want to let you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. You are a great strength to me, and I know that if there is anyone I need to turn to, I know that you will always be there! :) You are loved by sooo many people who admire what you have achieved in life and for just being YOU! :) Thank you for everything! :) x x x

-Sarah 

Yes suckers, I am a lucky man. You are everything they say and more. You also have magical healing powers, and ninja skills. You are my kind of woman-- pretty, smart, and funny. Your ducks are in the right order; you even rearrange my ducks from time to time. You are a person who is not afraid to feel things. I have seen you tremble with love for people. I have seen you give when you felt empty. You are my leading lady, and I smile to myself when I think that after a long day is over you want to be with me.

-John (the good looking one)

Letting Go

John and I queued in Lidl yesterday laden with shopping. I noticed the lady at the check out, blond, Polish, mid 20's. Lidl cashiers are renowned for putting your shopping through at top speed, dropping cans onto soft bread and throwing you out the store leaving you needing counselling for post traumatic stress disorder. But this girl was having trouble concentrating on scanning the groceries of the woman in front of us. Then I noticed why. She could not take her eyes off John. Ha! Made me laugh right away. Not only that, but when she noticed, I had noticed she just gave me a big smile as if to say "caught me, but I don't care". John then looked from one of us the other and caught on (men can be slow about this type of thing). I then left him to pay and receive the change. John then commented "I have never had 'come to bed eyes' when receiving grocery change before!" We both laughed and left the shop.

It was only later that I realized how far I have come. Not only did I enjoy the whole experience of a woman checking out my husband, but I felt secure and non-threatened in any way. She was attractive, blond, and since Poland is part of the EU, she was not looking for a British passport! Yet I had not taken anything from the experience but amusement.

I had had one bad relationship after another. I used to think that only losers were attracted to me. It was maturity and life experience that taught me that it was actually me that was attracted to losers. I had numerous boyfriends and one husband cheat on me. So there are some scars there and I have been overly jealous and unnecessarily wary about female attention directed at my husband.

So what has changed? Well I have learned that there are women out there better than me. There are more attractive, more talented, more funny, more everything. And that is ok. I am me. I have my own unique mix of positive attributes and I have to trust the fact that John has chosen me because of them.

John has an academic friend who can do everything . . . and she is attractive! She sings opera, acts, teaches at Queen's University in Northern Ireland, plays numerous instruments to perfection, travels, is an interior designer, rich and single. She is a wonderful friend to John and supports him with is PhD and has certain things I don't have in common with John. I have learned that that is just fine. If he had wanted an academic for a partner, he would have chosen one. I have started to let go of worrying about being everything to John. I can never be everything. But I can be his One. I am his love, his life, his future. The mother to his wonderful kids. The tenacious driving force that encourages him in every positive move he makes in his life. I am his wife! But I am not everything.

I have recently had an experience that shook me a little. John and I have an close friend that he shared some intimate details with. He sat and talked to me about what he had shared and asked if it was ok? We had to regroup. We had to decide what was just for me and him and what could be shared. What could threaten us. We are not impervious. We are not indestructible. We have our weaknesses. There is a certain amount of appropriate policing needed. I don't have all the answers to this. We are counselled by our church leaders to be careful, to protect that sacred bond of marriage. To keep certain things just for our partners. I do struggle with this myself sometimes; not that I have a problem keeping my covenants, but just knowing where these boundaries should be. "Marriage partners must be loyal to one another and faithful in their marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed." John told me about a talk by Elder Packer that says we can not stop a bird landing on our head, but we can stop it building a nest there.

I think that my relationships with women in the past have been destroyed by my jealousy and my inability to celebrate their gifts and talents without me feeling it was taking something from me. I often remark to John how I see women much more territorial than men. But letting go has brought me so much. I have much more love for the women I meet in my life and much more love for John. I accept the love he gives me and love that other women can enjoy him.

But, please notice the name of this post. 'Letting Go'. It is in the present tense. I am not there yet :)

No Chocolate 'Til Christmas or Bust!

The bust is actually where my fat seems to leave first (now is that fair?) But to be fat for cleavage sakes I know is not healthy. So Natasha (my Canadian friend who has just spent a few days with us here in Wales) and I made a pact that we would stay away from all refined sugar until Christmas Day. I'll be healthier, and besides, it will make Christmas that much sweeter.

I have tried to regulate my sugar intake so many times. I know how bad it is for my body in so many ways. I once gave up sugar for a whole year, but then when I have treated myself on my birthday or Christmas I slowly go back to being addicted and eating too much sugar again.

Why does it have to be one or the other?

I feel it has to do with my terrible self control, but I have a suspicion I now have more self control in my life - I did not drag the man who threw his sweet wrapper out of his window yesterday in a car park from his car and beat him over the head screaming "it is because of selfish imbeciles like you that this world is such a screwed up place!" I only thought it. I even communicated it to my husband. But I did not do it. So, you see. I have self control :)

I also know exercise is essential. Natasha already regularly goes to the gym, whereas that is something I need to implement into my life when I get to Spain. John tells me that we have a great women-only gym 5 minutes walk from our house in Seville. Although I do feel guilty about the expense (which motivates me to go more) I know it will be money well spent.

So on to a healthier, fitter lifestyle. Can you hear the genuine excitement in my printed tone? Can you feel the electrical pulse of momentum dragging me off my perhaps-I-shall-have-one-more-chocolate backside into the world of 'no thank you, that banoffee pie does look very nice but I think I will refrain'. Of course you can. That is why I have written this post. It is here to remind me of my resolve and overwhelming desire to turn my back on chocolate hell and move into healthy heaven, bustless or not.

Am I a friend?

Moving to Seville has brought about some interesting conversations between John and I. Today we talked about friends. People we leave behind and new friends to be made. I am not one for having close friends. My family are my world and we are a close unit that depend on each other. I have always been quite self sufficient, not needing others (outwardly) but keeping my head down and getting on with life. John was commenting today on how I should be more open to others around me, more aware of others needs. Wow this makes me sound cold and unfeeling. Of course I have friends. Friends I love and depend on. But they are few and far between. I have often found women to be competitive, threatened and sometimes outright cruel. There is often a playground mentality where they want you to be their only friend and jealous for no reason. High maintenance 'friends' who leave you drained after a visit seem like too much for me right now when I have 11 children to raise and a husband to support. But then I don't want to be that kind of friend to others who is always needy and has nothing to give. So perhaps this can be a fresh start for me. John wisely said that friendship is not about finding the perfect friend but about ignoring the imperfections of the friends we have, enjoying the good they have to offer and the good that we can return. So when I say new start, it's not because here is a chance for me to make new friends, but a new start on appreciating the friends I have made over the years and being a better friend to them.